I remember seeing this statement somewhere but I cannot recall at the moment: 'this life is a test. If this had been an actual life, then you would have received instructions on where to go and what to do.' I find myself at a great crossroad in my life and in many ways; everything that has happened thus far has led me to this very moment. People talk about hitting rock bottom and it is often associated with great loss or overcoming an addiction, but I wonder if rock bottom is really when you get to the point in your life where everything feels like a blank canvas. As a person who has never tried any type of illegal drugs and literally can’t tolerate more than two drinks at a time, there are other ways to hit rock bottom.
I have experienced my share of pain and then some even, and it occurred to me that I have spent more than 30 years just surviving, but never really living. Maybe that is what is needed to really push past the pain, to get to the point where there is nothing more that anyone can take from you personally to learn to live. I am not sure what that means either. Maybe life is really a series of events that you manage to survive until you get to the next, but I would like to believe there is more.
This is where I am. My life is my canvas and in reality, I have about five weeks to decide what that is going to look like. The decisions that I need to make are difficult and no matter which path I choose. This is my journey of taking what I have been through, processing it, cataloging it and storing it away into what I will call ‘my starter life.’ Writing has always been therapeutic for me and as you get to learn more about me, you will understand why.
I don't know how the story will unfold or if I will write about exactly what brought me to this point on this blog. It is far too recent for me to start peeling off those layers in an open forum. There is no planned happily ever after ending for five weeks away. This is my life, as I experience it.
This should be interesting.
