I watched the sunrise one warm July morning over the Washington monument from the train. It was such an amazing view, a single tear rushed down my cheek. I chose the quiet car for that mornings ride. The night before had left me a little shaken and the silence of the 5:30 am train was comforting. Just as the sun rose, I received a text message with a simple statement that was perhaps the most beautiful words I had ever seen. It was simple, heartfelt, natural and absolutely real and thinking back, I don't quite remember if it was the sunrise or the text that brought the tear down my cheek, but either way...I was moved.
Now more than two weeks later, I wonder if I have seen the sun since. I am sure I have, but I don't remember. I definitely haven't seen the sun with the same understanding that I had that morning. It's quiet again now in the middle of the night. I don't sleep. I am not scared or worried, sad or angry, thinking about anything, stressed out or any of those things that come with insomnia. I am just not tired and there is something comforting and peaceful about the midnight air. Its been raining at night too and I love the rain.
I have always believed that everything happens for a reason and if you are patieint and listen long enough, you will find out what that reason is, or at least understand. Even when I have been faced with some of the most difficult things in my life, I have tried to sit back and learn what I need to from that experience. Now I wonder about that sometimes because there are things that happen that do not make any sense, at least not for the moment. One of my dearest friends for the past 10 years has stage IV breast cancer that has spread to her bones and suddenly what has been happening to me seems so insignificant. She has twin boys who are only 14 and yesterday she told me she prays just to live to watch them grow up. I'm alive and the rest of it just doesn't seem to matter anymore.
Aerodynamically, a bumblebee should not be able to fly but it doesn't know that, so it goes on flying anyway. Well, there are a whole lot of statistics about how someone should feel or react given whatever situation they are in, but like the bumblebee they can choose to fly anyway. I am not talking about my friend, who was actually worried about me, which is just the person that she is. I am talking about embracing life and remembering that day. I had to find a point in time where everything felt right, that was the morning on the train watching the sunrise...
Now more than two weeks later, I wonder if I have seen the sun since. I am sure I have, but I don't remember. I definitely haven't seen the sun with the same understanding that I had that morning. It's quiet again now in the middle of the night. I don't sleep. I am not scared or worried, sad or angry, thinking about anything, stressed out or any of those things that come with insomnia. I am just not tired and there is something comforting and peaceful about the midnight air. Its been raining at night too and I love the rain.
I have always believed that everything happens for a reason and if you are patieint and listen long enough, you will find out what that reason is, or at least understand. Even when I have been faced with some of the most difficult things in my life, I have tried to sit back and learn what I need to from that experience. Now I wonder about that sometimes because there are things that happen that do not make any sense, at least not for the moment. One of my dearest friends for the past 10 years has stage IV breast cancer that has spread to her bones and suddenly what has been happening to me seems so insignificant. She has twin boys who are only 14 and yesterday she told me she prays just to live to watch them grow up. I'm alive and the rest of it just doesn't seem to matter anymore.
Aerodynamically, a bumblebee should not be able to fly but it doesn't know that, so it goes on flying anyway. Well, there are a whole lot of statistics about how someone should feel or react given whatever situation they are in, but like the bumblebee they can choose to fly anyway. I am not talking about my friend, who was actually worried about me, which is just the person that she is. I am talking about embracing life and remembering that day. I had to find a point in time where everything felt right, that was the morning on the train watching the sunrise...
0 comments:
Post a Comment