It was October 1998 when the first three of our group met. The fourth person would join within a few months. I was facing a huge decision at that point of leaving Law School to work full-time or continuing to pursue something that I was no longer sure about. Law School had strict policies about working too. I mean, showing up for the LSAT and being fingerprinted was certainly jarring to say the least. However, each semester you attend full-time you earn residence credits but you have to sign a statement agreeing not to work more than 15 hours or you lose your residence credits.
After I took the job, I knew I was making a decision that would change the course of my life. Sometimes, the path you choose leads you somewhere you never even expected. We met at work, the four of us, all doing different things at the company. Three of us left after awhile to purse other interests, but the friendship we started at work over time, blossomed into a family. These women are like sisters to me and we have laughed, cried and everything in between. One of my friends literally lives across the street from me, and she is like my mom. I am the youngest, but as a single mother, I don't party or go to bars and places like that. So the friends that I have are like me, we go out and have fun, but it is whatever we feel like doing at the time.
On a typical Friday night, at least once a month, though sometimes less frequently and we make up for lost time, you can find the four of us gathered at one of our favorite restaurants, laughing and dishing about life over drinks and some variety of appetizers. We would be there for hours talking about everything and nothing at all. This is unless we are our favorite place Tierra Colombiana in North Philly, which isn't quite the same now that the valet parking is no longer available. By valet for those of you who knew the place before they built the mega Rite Aid across the street, I am talking about the guy who would offer to watch your car for $1 as you made your way through the vacant lot to the restaurant. We gave him the dollar because who knows what would happen to your car if he didn't watch it! :)
I consider it a gift to have true friendships in this lifetime, not that I haven't had other friendships in the past. I am older now and different and they stayed by my side even during a time when I tried to push everyone away. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares. Perhaps then sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. We all balance each other at different times. Its strange for me because my girlfriend who is like mom, overreacts to everything and she panics. I love that about her though. My other friend is a little like that too, but she is more comfortable rationalizing things and usually provides perspective. I am here now, having gone through something that pitched me into the very depth of my own despair, I can sit with her comfortable that there is absolutely nothing I can do and just listen.
Somewhere inside we know that without silence words lose their meaning, without listening speaking no longer heals, and without distance closeness cannot cure. Sometimes it is enough to be there instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, and chose rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand and open heart.
It's enough.
